holy holy

darling i was so much better with those needles in my teeth,
falling over you somewhere between brooklyn and 3:30 am.

imploding suns over 9:58

remember that scarf i lost at your place? well i heard that you sold it it to your ex-girlfriend for a bag of rice so you could feed me last night.
well i didnt eat it, i fed it to the fucking cat, threw the lentils to the pigeons. i dont want to eat your overcooked shit, it tastes almost as bad as your come in my mouth.
this is it, our terrible drunken goodbye sex, only instead of standing over you, naked as winter, scared of being seen at a bad angle, i'm laughing at how mad you get every time i interrupt to ask for another glass of vodka
what? you dont like a drunk easy girl, laid out across the boulevard? oh i think you do.
NOW... about that scarf, are you planning on getting it back? i never wanted this shitty dinner anyway, just like i never wanted to wakeup in the same bed as you for more than one night, or how i never wanted to watch your mouth form the lines and spaces that you forgot to fill with anything but p's and q's and fuck you's. No, i'm not saying this out of jealousy, i'm just reassuring myself that seeing your lips move in an empty fashion is just as bad as feeling them brush against my legs. Clumsy, Clumsy, wheres my shirt? how do i know which girl i am? Monday, Tuesday? Oh where the fuck is that calendar, you know..that calendar? I need to know which day is best for making up better reasons why i should control all of my judgments, and watch you pull my hair across your eyes when the lights come on. How long have i been in this same room? Three four five months?
i shouldn't complain, i mean the sex was always good, mostly..sometimes..well, whatever
Can you remember when i was plowing through streets, a quarter of the bottled down, half naked barefoot and drunk, wild and dangerous. I never caught up with whatever i was chasing, so like a dog in heat i ran circles around you instead. You took me home and undressed me, i never felt as cheap as i did when you didn't even touch me, just put me to bed, wokeup the next morning and smiled. " I'll see you later this week."
you are a lazy liar. you wont. you'll be seeing some other girl spread her legs while you ready your lips to fuck with her expectations.










"Theres alot of dead birds around your place this time of year."
" You are one interesting girl, an exotic bird."

forgot about you
remembered someone new
filtered my spit and drank the rest
oh what a battered city i've ridden into the mountains,where no one croons like the homeless do
settled in nicely to an anonymous life where i went to government parties dressed as a scarecrow, where i danced in circles around the politicians wives , drunk off every slack jawed male. i met you there, you, with your leather coat and nine-to-five complexion.
i gave you all my devils, took on a new vice, held hands with city hall, and fell into you harder than my mind wanted to allow
you there, my wild face, all framed with unclear intentions
fingers all painted black drifting over our clean sheets, patterned domino's drawing the curve of your face on my pillowcase
i fell asleep with my lips pressed to your ink outline
closed my eyes, tiny broken bulbs,because every time i opened them i saw everyone inside out, there was a woman with a doll house for a heart standing in place of my reflection
i woke up inside out and read in the news that you fell five stories without bending your smile, took a cab home and got stabbed over five bucks and an expired train ticket
i missed you last night at the governors ball, turned my eyelids out and faked a frown, because since you first wrapped that leather coat around me , i've been known as the prettiest girl in town.

we laid in a bed of spanish moss

I killed a white rabbitt while riding a black horse. tight spun organs unraveling with such a terrible speed. his race out of existance left my mouth dry. with nothing to drink i put my lips to his spine, lifted the fluid over my tongue and swallowed an exotic burbon. decades passed in that one taste. i pulled back feeling savage, wearing a crown of feathers, cradling four limp peacocks.

nothing leads to nothing leads to sex

i've seen it, your peak of perfection, your still death under moon slit eyes, naked as yesterday.
a pale decay at the corner of our bed, three broken ribs under my pillow
your breathing sounds like dragging feet across the brooklyn bridge
wishbone lockets thrown ontop of the radiator, the burning marrow soaked in cat piss
flecks of your curiousity trapped inside of me, a snowglobe of unconcieved children
still i'm here, spread out across the floor, a bear skin rug, too bare to trap the mud from your shoes, parchment fingers too curled to pick the secrets from your laundry.
that snowglobe turned to a woodenstove, sorting through each object you left behind. burnt hair and candle wax. you cant have the part of us that grows on the walls of my chimney stack. theres no us, only me, scraping away at my internal tombs tangled corridors. how are innocent people formed from the vile acts of spite and liquor soaked nights at such young moments? apple cores got planted instead of seeds, and this whole rotten city was birthed in return, is it the same with dogs or birds or children?
on the count of three darling we fall out of this together, both waiting on the terrible anomie we'll slide into, only i've never been good with numbers, and i can't say things once over, so lets try six, or twelve or whatever it takes for us to dismantel our rare bodies that hold together in such odd forms.





i'll see you next september, lets make it a regular thing: me forgetting my shoes, you forgetting to pullout.